A Cake Wrecks Correspondence

May. 26th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

"A Typical Day Of John Checking E-Mail"

Dear [REDACTED],

Thank you for choosing Cake Wrecks for such an important occasion! I'd be delighted to offer you a quote, but first let me show you a few of our most popular Sesame Street cakes, so you can pick out your favorite.

(Please note that for copyright reasons we can't actually call these Sesame Street characters, but I'm sure our versions will look VERY familiar. ;))

"Huge Bird"

"Oreo Monster"

"Trash Head"
aka "Mr. Can-'Do"

And "Petrified Elro"

Or for a little extra, you can get all four characters together!

[plastic faces not included]

 

We also have some new "Bieber-licious" character cookies your son is sure to love:

Prices vary depending on the cake's size, flavor, and age, so just let us know how many people you'd like to feed and how picky you are about "freshness." Delivery is free within a twenty mile radius, but keep in mind our delivery guy moonlights as a mobile pet groomer, so there's always a SLIGHT chance of pet hair - but really, that almost never happens. (Which reminds me: Billy gives our customers a 15% discount! Just FYI.)

Let me know which cake you'd prefer, and thanks again for choosing Cake Wrecks!

- john (the hubby of Jen)

 

***

 

 

Thanks to Todd T, Julie B., David & Debbie B., Jennifer G., Anony M., & Cynthia for actually making it through our contact page without thinking we make all these cakes ourselves.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

We've all been there: six weeks of rigorous dieting, all ruined by the sugar-paste encrusted morsels at cousin Jill's wedding. But what is today's bride to do? Is it possible to have the wedding cake of your dreams while still showing consideration to your dieting guests?

Yes, it is!

Introducing the Cake Head Diet Aid!


That's right, folks, just place the professionally decorated Cake Head Diet Aid alongside your wedding cake. It's that easy! In addition to being a delicious red velvet groom's cake, the Cake Head Diet Aid will effectively dissuade all but your most ravenous and/or non-squeamish of guests from indulging in the gut-busting baked goods. Guaranteed!

Here's what our happy customers are saying about the Cake Head Diet Aid:

"The children ran screaming - no sugar buzzed hellions at the reception! Thank you, Cake Head Diet Aid!"

"Never have I wanted to eat cake less. Just the thought of your product has kept me up nights, and I've lost over 15 pounds!"

"When my husband said the wrong name at the altar, I was ready to kill him. Slicing into the Cake Head Diet Aid, however, helped me vent enough of that murderous rage to make it to the annulment. And the jam filling - oh, that was the best part!"

As a bonus, your Cake Head Diet Aid is completely customizable! From football helmets to sunglasses, iPod earbuds to nose rings, you can make your Cake Head Diet Aid the spitting image of your husband-to-be while incorporating his favorite hobbies!

So girls, be kind to your guest's waistlines while giving your guy his just desserts: order the Cake Head Diet Aid today!

 

Michelle D., I bet these work great at birthdays, too.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Episode 1514: Shifting Opinion

May. 25th, 2017 10:11 am
[syndicated profile] darths_and_droids_feed

Episode 1514: Shifting Opinion

Overcoming prejudice is a classic character growth trope. If a PC takes prejudice as a flaw on their character sheet, it would be suitable to let them develop and work it off during roleplaying. You don't need to be constrained by the game mechanics to maintain a flaw that it makes sense to remove through good gameplay and roleplaying.

If you really need to have a flaw to maintain game balance in terms of character points or something, then you can quite easily develop another, different one to replace the one that you've overcome. Personalities can change over time, so it's reasonable for character quirks and flaws to change.

The Cherry (Blossoms) On Top

May. 24th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

One of the hottest new trends in weddings today is the cherry blossom wedding cake:

(By Diane's Cakes and More)

 

This elegant design not only looks beautiful, but is a cinch to make, too! In fact, here are a few tips to ensure your own cherry blossom cake looks as gorgeous as this.

 

First, always make sure your icing is niiiice and smooth.

It helps if you lick your fingers first, so they slide smoothly over the icing.

 

Next, mold or pipe your branches to gracefully scale the tiers of your cake in a natural, realistic fashion.

I know it's hard to believe but, yes, that's really just icing.

 

Remember, the flowers are the most important part!

[Crickets chirping]

 

It's usually best to leave off a wedding topper for this style, but if you do choose to have one, make sure it's simple, understated, and elegant.

Note the baker's restraint. Not a single balloon animal!

 

And finally, when all else fails, remember:

You can always jam a stick in it and charge $200.

(Yes, this was someone's actual wedding cake.)

(And they paid for it.)

(With money.)

 

Leanne W., Danielle L., Moxie, Holly J., and Robert V. did you know you can make a forty dollar cake look like a 500 dollar cake with just some cookies and sprinkles? Just imagine what you could charge if you jammed a stick in it!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot:


Now THAT'S Putting A Face On Wreckage

May. 23rd, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

Yesterday a couple of you posted this on the Cake Wrecks' Facebook page:

I'll give you a moment.

[whistling]

Now, I have no idea where it came from, but that's not gonna stop me from jumping on this hilariously traumatizing bandwagon!

 

Like this:

 

And this!

 

And my personal favorite:

"Boop-oop-aSWEET MOTHER OF HECK."

 

Now just one more, because laugh you must.
THERE IS NO TRY.

 

Thanks to Maya O., Amanda S., Crystal G., Kellie C., & Hannah G. for using the forks.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Episode 1513: Family Lore

May. 23rd, 2017 10:11 am
[syndicated profile] darths_and_droids_feed

Episode 1513: Family Lore

It's good to have family. Make sure characters in your games have family ties that they can lean on, to give them a sense of fitting into the campaign world, to give them helpful connections, to give them emotional and financial support when they need it. And to give them bloodline vulnerabilities that can be exploited to good effect by enemies...

Pink Wonky Cross Layout Done

May. 23rd, 2017 02:51 pm
[syndicated profile] needles_excellency_feed

Posted by Laren

I was able to cut out some more background squares and layout the quilt again. Rows are now together and it's just a matter of sewing them up. I've also cut out a heap of pink and beige 2 1/2" triangles for leaders and enders, so I don't get them out of order.


Paying the Price for Winging It

May. 18th, 2017 02:36 pm
[syndicated profile] needles_excellency_feed

Posted by Laren

So I was able to go to a Guild meeting and use the space to layout the pink wonky cross quilt. However, due to winging it, I ran out of background squares. Not a huge deal, I got most of it worked out. But I will need to lay them out again at the next meeting to finish the last couple of rows.


Wonky Pink Cross Quilt Squaring Up

May. 12th, 2017 02:35 pm
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Posted by Laren

The blocks make up REALLY quickly. Cut at an angle. Sew in dark strip. Iron. Cut and insert again at right angles. Iron. Now I need to trim them all back to 5" squares. Since there aren't any seams to line up, I can trim several at a time.




Disco Fridge

May. 22nd, 2017 05:23 pm
luscious_purple: OMG WTF BBQ (OMG WTF BBQ)
[personal profile] luscious_purple
Plumbing (and financial) crisis averted. Boy toy concluded that replacing the shutoff valve and the tank inflow thingey was beyond his plumbing expertise. He went over to the condo maintenance shop to ask how to get this thing fixed without shutting off water to the entire building. I started to call the plumber, where I was told that I would have to wait until a building-water shutoff could be arranged on Monday or Tuesday, but then one of the maintenance guys came over and said he could fix it "off the clock" for $75 plus parts. That's at least $20 cheaper than the plumber would have cost me (based on the last time I dealt with the plumber, about four years ago). So the toilet is fixed and a young man has some extra cash in his pocket.

Of course, now the light inside the refrigerator has decided to flash randomly on and off (but mostly stays off). I don't ever remember changing the fridge light bulb in the nearly 18 years I have lived here. And the fridge is roughly 25 years old.

As Gilda Radner said, it's always something....

In other news, my church's ministerial search committee revealed the name of our ministerial candidate at the end of yesterday's service. From what I can tell from her website, she is two or three years older than I am, married young but has stayed married to the guy for 42 years, and has three grown sons who are gainfully employed. Ministry is her second career after civil engineering. Her beliefs and interests align pretty closely to my congregation's. I'm looking forward to meeting her next week.

Tonight At The Lucky Stardust Lounge

May. 22nd, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

"You... are... so beautiful..."

"...to me."

"Thank you. Thank you very much."

 

[Leaning on piano]

"You... are... soooo beautiful..."

"...to meeee."

"The Goldmans, everyone! Fifty years today! Aren't they adorable?

 

"Can't you SEEE-EEE-EE?!?"

[sliding to front of stage on knees]

"You're... ev'ry-thing I HOPED for!"

[grimacing in pain]

"You're EVERYTHING I neeeeeeeeee..."

"...eeEEED!"

[winking at waitress]

 

"You... are... so beautiful..."

"Toooo... meeeeEEEEE."

 

Thank you, Nia C., Krystal C., Karen R., Julie R., Alison V., and Joshua P. Thank you so much. No, really. Thank you. Really. You're too much. Thank you. Tip your waitress!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Story Time Sweets

May. 21st, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Sharyn

Once Upon a Time...

...in the Kingdom of Zuu,

(By Artisan Cake Company)

lived a helpful young owl his Mom had named Huu.

 

Huu danced with Petunia when she did ballet,

(By Dinky Doodle)

 

and untangled Sloth when bars got in the way.

(By Conjurer's Kitchen)

 

He always had time to tie Sally's red bows,

(By Planet Cake)

 

and if Hedgie asked, Huu would polish his nose.

(By Debbie Does Cakes)

 

When Flamingos ran errands, he'd stay with their chicks,

(By Mike's Amazing Cakes)

 

and he made sure that George ate the greens, not the sticks.

(By Planet Cake)

 

Huu'd help Raffi up when he fell in a heap,

(By Sprinkles Cakes)

 

and he sang lullabies, to help Flo go to sleep.

(By Little Cherry Cake Co. for Cake Bomb)

 

He prattled with penguins,

(By Janet MacPherson Cake Craft)

 

he combed all the llamas,

(By Viva la Cake)

 

he even helped meerkats put on clean pajamas.

(By Dootsy Dora)

And after all that, our Huu still wasn't through.

On Sunday, he shared all of his Sweets with you.

 

Happy Sunday!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

[syndicated profile] darths_and_droids_feed

Episode 1512: If I Only Had a Heart Made of Gold

If you have an enemy who escapes justice somehow, make sure they learn from their previous mistakes. The heroes shouldn't be able to defeat the bad guy the same time again, and the villain shouldn't fall to the same vulnerabilities or lapses of attention.

Well, unless they're your typical James Bond villain, in which case they should be exactly as stupid as the first time. Only with a bigger volcanic lair and more piranhas.

NESAT XIII

May. 19th, 2017 12:17 pm
[syndicated profile] cathyscostumeblog_feed

Posted by Cathy Raymond

For those of us interested in early European textiles, it's exciting to review the program of the thirteenth North European Symposium on Archaeological Textiles ("NESAT XIII") which starts on Monday, May 22 in Liberec, Czech Republic.

The conference schedule may be found here and there appear to be even more presentations than usual for scholars interested in pre-medieval clothing and textiles.  Here are just a few that excite me:
S. Harris – A. Jones:  Beautiful things: textiles from an Early Bronze Age cremation, Whitehorse Hill, England.
U. Mannering – I. Skals:  Textile News from Bornholm in Denmark. Recently excavated textiles from a well-known Late Iron Age cemetery.
F. Pritchard: Twill weaves from Viking-age Dublin.
E. Wincott Heckett: Textiles from the Viking Warrior Grave, Woodstown Co., Waterford, Ireland.
K. Vajanto--M. Pasanen: Dyes and Dyeing Methods used in Finland 1000 Years Ago.
K. Kania: To Spin a Good Yarn--Spinning Techniques with Hand Spindles.
I. Demant: Making a dress of an Iron Age woman--the results of experimental archaeology used in praxis.
At least I have time to save my money for the published conference report when it comes out in a few years!

YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET A YEAR-FULL

May. 19th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

You're not going to believe this, minions, but Cake Wrecks is nine years old today.

I know, I know; and here we don't look a day over threeth.

 

Yes, against all odds, through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered, Cake Wrecks has fought its way to becoming a veritable dinosaur in the online world.

A dino named Rex, of course.

 

We've survived national disasters, online controversies, three presidential elections, three book tours (or was it four?), economic downturns, Facebook's soul-crushing algorithm, and that time John accidentally banned Canada. We've spawned memes, tributes, fan wrecks, and Epcot bunkers. We've outlived most - if not all - of our contemporaries, watching in bemused horror while long-standing humor sites died, were bought-out, or were bought-out and then died.

We rejected our own offers, though, because I figure if Cake Wrecks ever goes down, it's going down with me.

And hopefully with less airbrushing.

 

So here John and I've sat, in our virtual rocking chairs, on our metaphorical front porch, making snarky comments about the allegorical hairstyles of today's whippersnapper websites - and wondering how we can ever hope to top the past nine years.

After a lot of thought, we came up with something.

We decided this year is going to be our best yet - for you AND for us.

 

So starting next week, we're going to be counting down the Top 312 Cake Wrecks Posts Of All Time. That's right, you'll see the greatest, most hysterical wreckage out of nine years and over 3,000 posts - and on Sundays, the most stunning Sweets.

Now, John's spent the last few weeks ranking and reviewing our entire archives, and let me tell you: I don't remember 80% of these posts, and I'm the one that wrote them. So this will be a wrecky romp down Foggy Memory lane, the Cliff's Notes of Cake Wrecks, the cream of the crop, the best of the best, and bring us screeching into our 10 year anniversary in sweet, wrecktastic style.

All your favorites. All our favorites. All year long.

Not sure what this means (Age gets attacked by Beauty wielding a chainsaw?) but it feels appropriate here.

 

And THAT is how we top 9 amazing years: By cramming all the highest highs together. By looking back and reliving every laugh-'til-we-pee moment. By saying "HOW did I never see THIS one?" because if *I* don't remember most of these, then you can bet your convoluted cupcake cakes (patooie!) that you won't, either.

John and I will still be here 6 days a week. We'll be active on Facebook, moderating your comments, and of course I'll still be sharing all our non-cake adventures over on Epbot. The only real difference is that, for the next 365 days, every single post you see on Cake Wrecks will be one of our best ever.

I hope you'll stick around. It's gonna be fun.

 

And thanks to Emily A., Valerie D., Danielle B., & Anony M. for the excellent wreckporting.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Off to NESAT!

May. 19th, 2017 08:22 am
[syndicated profile] togs_from_bogs_feed

Posted by Katrin

My bags are packed, tickets are bought and printed out and sit where I will not accidentally leave them, I have pens and paper and something to read and something to knit, and – the most important thing – my paper is done and polished and hopefully I will manage not to talk about too many extra things on the spur of the moment and in all the excitement and run over time. (It’s amazing, by the way, how much prep time a 20 minute presentation can take. I think it’s about the same amount of time as a one hour presentation, as you need to compress so much into so small a timeframe that every slide needs to be polished and scrutinised and polished again. And then sometimes cut after all…)

On Monday, it’s off to NESAT, and I can’t even begin to describe how excited I am. It’s so nice to get together with so many other textile archaeologists, meeting again and chatting and catching up and learning oh so many new things. With one of these glorious conferences only every three years, there’s also quite a lot to catch up on, and it’s always a rather long wait for the next one.

So I’ll be spending the next week in nerd heaven, and for me, the conference will even start earlier, as I’ll be travelling together with three more colleagues going there. Hooray!

For you, though, this means no blog posts during next week – I’ll be back blogging the Monday after, though. See you then!

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